PICTURE TIME DURING THE LOVELY CHRISTMAS SEASON

Round #1: Last Saturday

Every year I cannot wait to send out my Christmas cards and as the 12 months pass until the next Christmas, I forget the torture that comes along with getting the pictures done involving children. I wake up on Saturday, all cheery because I have somehow hit the jackpot by getting the 12pm slot at Picture People. Just perfect because Nolan just will be getting up from a 3 hour nap and Jack still has about 1 1/2 hrs. until his naptime. Yippee...happy children=great pictures, right??? Rob and Jack head to Picture People first to check in since they were out getting Jack's haircut and then I could let Nolan get his full nap if we did not have to go early. From my past experiences at Picture People, which is quite a lot since I am obsessed with getting pictures for every damn holiday, I have learned that they never run on time and I mean NEVER!! So Nolan and I are running only about 15 minutes behind and as we are pulling into the parking lot, Rob calls and says "You better hurry up, we are up now". I walk through the door to only see that we are the family that will be on display in the front room of Picture People so every damn person who is staring through the window will distract my 3 year old. Then we meet our Picture Lady. If you have ever seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off, you will understand how great these pictures are bound to turn out when I have the person who is as exciting as the teacher in the movie that says, "Bueller, Bueller, anyone, Bueller". We begin our session and it sort of goes like this.... Rob and I are sitting on stools and Jack is supposed to be standing next to Rob and Nolan is on my lap. The lady in her monatone voice is saying over and over, say "Spaghetti" and Jack is looking at her like she is a complete jackass. About 5 minutes into the session, Jack is bored out of his mind because the lady sucks and he decides to have his own fun for all to see. She tells him to stand and he collapses on the floor because his legs are broken, when she says stay on the floor, he begins to jump around like his ass hit a flame. We move on from the family picture , which means an attire change because the picture lady said she got some great pics. I turn around to Rob and quietly say, " She is bullshitting herself because she sucks and Jack is acting like a horse's ass, there is no way she even got one good pic. Well onto the next pose, my 12 lb. baby propped up on Jack, not a problem for Jedi Jack, right??? Wrong...Jack begins falling over like a fool because his brother is causing him a terrible belly ache for the fraction of a second that Nolan was leaning on him. Now I am sweating like a damn pig because I have the lights beaming down on me and I am quietly threatening Jack and holding Nolan up at the same time because he is being thrown off Jack. The reason I am quietly threatening him is because 1,000 freaking people are staring at us in the store and thru the glass window so I am trying to act like that perfect mom, who believes that telling your child that he is not making the best choices will work. One more shot and now I turn into a psycho by grinding my teeth and squinting my eyes at Jack and saying, "You are not being a good listener and I am calling Santa". Well, he flips out and starts balling and says, "Mommy, you scared me with those eyes and your teeth". Guess what....picture time is over!! We wait around for about 45 minutes to view these picture and making ourselves believe that there were some good shots taken. Surprise, surprise...they sucked ass! The lady showing us the pictures asks us how things went and you can only imagine the mouthful I gave her. Is she oblivous and not looking at the pictures she is showing us. After viewing them I make the brave decision to do a re-shot tomorrow. Crazy...yes!! After I say that Rob looks like he is ready to either pass out or punch me. He questions if he heard me right about 10 times and I just smile.

Round #2:

A Success...a new photographer, a new day, and my much more cooperative, Jack!! Yippee!!

ENJOY OUR PICS!!